A Theatre Joke!

[Carrie Loffree]

Here's a theatre joke I received in my e-mail this week.  It's dedicated to
anyone else who hasn't yet taught their first class of the term but is
already a little frazzled by the whole "back to school" phenomenon!
Have a good term, all.

- Carrie, Montreal

P.S.  Hope this isn't an inappropriate posting.  It certainly did me a
world of good to read this silly joke!


A high-school student learned from his teacher that the Stratford town 
registry did not list the exact day on which William Shakespeare was born.  
The young scholar wrote, "Shakespeare was born in the year 1564, supposedly 
on his birthday."

On April 23, we mark both the traditional birthday and the deathday of 
Shakespeare.  Because Shakespeare's works have been widely read in schools 
for centuries, many generations of students in their essays have gone from 
bard to verse.  This essay collects the brightest uncut and unpolished 
student gems:

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William J. Shakespeare.  His 
father was Mr. Shakespeare and his mother Mrs. Shakespeare.  He wrote during 
the era in which he lived.  Actually, Shakespeare wasn't written by 
Shakespeare but by another man named Shakespeare.

Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his plays 
and sonics.  He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing 
hysterectomies, tragedies, comedies and errors.  I don't see why he is so 
popular when his writing skills are so low.  He wrote in Islamic pentameter, 
and you can't hardly understand what he is saying.

In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by 
relieving himself in a long soliloquy.  A soliloquy is a conversation 
between one person.  Hamlet has an edible complex, and his mind is filled 
with the filth of incestuous sheets which he pours over every time he sees 
his mother.  Oedipus and Hamlet really have a lot in common, even if Freud 
had not yet been invented.

Macbeth was from his mother's womb untamely ripped.  He is a brave and 
strong man who turns bad and gradually gets worse.  King Duncan wires 
Macbeth that he will be spending the night at his castle.  Then Lady Macbeth 
tries to convince Macbeth to kill King Duncan by attacking his manhood.  All 
Macbeth does is follow his wife's odors.  He kills the king on page 14.  
Macbeth and Lady Macbeth then suffer from quilt.  In fact, they have so much 
quilt between them, they can't sleep at night.

Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.  This story presents a 
one-on-one situation between a man and a woman.  Romeo and Juliet belonged 
to the families of the Montages and Copulates.  They tell each other how 
much they are in love in the baloney scene.  After much fighting in the 
pubic square, Romeo's last wish is to be laid by Juliet.

In Julius Caesar, Brutus is a tragic hero despite dying at the end.  Caesar 
is murdered by the Ides of March because they think he is going to be made 
king.  Dying, he gasps out the words "Tee hee, Brutus."  Then he dies with 
these immortal words: "Veni, vedi, vici."

In The Merchant of Venice, the Rialto is the business part of Venus.  
Bassanio loved Portia, but he had no money to press his suit.  Taming of the 
Screw is a play about Petruchio, who takes Kate from a bitter screw to an 
obedient wife.  The clown in As You Like It is named Touchdown.  In the 
play, Shespeare wrote, "All the world's a stage, and everyone is just 
acting."

In Anthony and Cleopatra, Cleopatra reclined to become Mark Anthony's 
mistress.  She took the Roman Empire one man at a time.  The barge she shat 
on, like a burnished throne, glowed on the water.  The poop was beaten gold.